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[FMA] Reading Time

Title: Reading Time
Fandom: Fullmetal Alchemist
Rating: PG-13
Summary: The homunculi's take on Snow White.
Characters: Envy, Gluttony, mentions of Father.
Spoilers: Only if you don't know who the characters mentioned above are.

Notes: So. I had a writer's block and I asked allira_dream to give me a fandom, characters, and a silly prompt. She said, "FMA, Envy, Snow White."
So here you go. Blame her.



Gluttony was sitting down in the middle of the room, giving his back towards the door from which Envy had entered the room, and he was apparently flipping the pages of a book.

Envy, curious, took a peek over Gluttony's shoulder. He wasn't really surprised to see that it was a pop-up book; after all, it would be hard for Gluttony's basic intellect to concentrate for long on anything more complex—like a story without pictures—, wouldn't it?

“So,” Envy began, “where did you get that?”

“Huh?” Gluttony turned his head to look at Envy. “Father gave it to me.”

“What for?”

“I was bored, he was busy and everybody else was out.”

“I see.” Envy scratched his nose and looked at the ugly cardboard witch walking through the sinister cardboard forest. “What is it about?”

“It's about a girl who runs away from her home because her stepmother wants to kill her.”

Envy blinked. “That sounds interesting. Does she kill the girl?”

“No—Yes—It's complicated.”

“How so?”

“The girl runs away and ends up living with seven little men who protect her, but the stepmother disguises herself as an old lady—” Gluttony pointed at the witch “—and finds her and gives her a poisoned apple.”

“Now, that's a twist.”

“The little men put the girl in a crystal coffin, until one day—”

“Wait, wait! Why the crystal coffin?”

“Because she was far too beautiful to bury in the ground.”

Envy made a face. “So they leave her where anyone and their dog could see her body rotting? And I'd thought I was creepy... What happens next?”

“Next, a handsome prince comes by, sees the girl and wants to take her to his castle.”

“Whoa! Necrophilia!”

“At first, the little men don't want to let him take her—”

“Well, duh.”

“—but he begs and begs and they finally accept to take the coffin to the prince's castle.”

“I so know he offered to take turns.”

“But then, as they walk, one of the little men stumbles, making both the coffin and the girl's body shake. The girl spits out the apple bite she had in her throat—”

“Don't tell me she wakes up!” Envy whimpered.

“—and she wakes up.”

“Ugh! Some poison, then. And goodbye to the orgy...”

“When he sees what happened, the prince asks the girl's hand in marriage.”

“So they get married and lived happily ever after, don't they?”

Gluttony nodded.

Envy slapped his face with his hand. “What a stupid ending! So unfitting! I feel cheated!”

“I think it's nice,” Gluttony said, holding up the drawing of the wedding. “They have a big cake. And I want to have a cake now, too,” he added, looking at Envy with pleading eyes.

“Fine, let's go. There's gotta be a wedding somewhere in the city.”

“Can I eat the cake?”

“And the guests too; that should make it up for that awful ending.”

Gluttony raised his ands and clapped above his head. “Great!”

“Just ask Father for a better book next time, will you?” Envy asked as they left the room.

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